Whispered Ghost

Insomnia O.o

2008-06-09T09:43:28Z

For some reason lately I haven't been able to get to sleep.

I don't think it's total coincidence that this is happening right at the same time as I finally start to feel better. The better I feel, the harder it is to sleep. At first it was just laying there until two, then three, then five, then eight.

I finally got fed up and figure I'm going to get my sleep pattern right. It's almost six now, I wake up at eight, so I'm just going to stay up all day and take something to make me sleep at ten pm today. Hopefully it'll start getting better, because the sheer fact that I'm lucid right now is totally messed up.

Stupid body. Can't seem to fix myself.

Karma Sucks

2008-05-29T16:35:07Z

Well, I'm officially a freak. For the first time in, oh, five months, I'm actually feeling well. First we thought I was reactive hypoglycemic, then maybe that it was an odd form of diabetes, then maybe lactose intolerant, then maybe... Well I don't know what else but lots of things! Lots of getting stuck with needles.

Considering that I'm the girl who can't get vaccines, I should have expected it would be something strange. I still don't know what it is... But I know how to fix it.

I can't eat anything but veggies, fruit, and dairy. I might be able to have fish, but I haven't tried it yet. At first I thought that wasn't that bad, I mean, I like all of those!

Then I realized that means no sugar. No fresh bread. Never ever again unless I want to feel like crap afterwards or they find a way to fix it for read O.o No. Bread. *dies* No sandwiches, no popcorn shrimp... It sucks! I'm just thanking whatever that I can have fruit, since that's a good munchie/sweet thing.

Considering that I've always been a sugar ho, and one of my favorite things in the world is sugar and butter melted over bread, it's slightly ironic. Even more ironic once a friend pointed out that some of the characters in my stories have some of the same restrictions (they can't have dairy either though, and they get rather violently sick instead of just cranky and queezy). I was less than amused by this, since -I- don't get awesome magic as compensation. I just get to be a forced health nut XP

It's a damn good thing I love veggies. And that they're pretty cheap.

On a totally different note, while I was waiting in the doctors office during my glucose tolerance test, they had Fox News on, and I've now officially sworn off of willingly watching that station. I've known for awhile that it was majorly republican leaning... But as a registered republican I really couldn't be mad at them for that.

When they start bashing trans kids on their show? Oh damn can I get pissed about that. It's a good thing that I was about to fall over or I probably would have been coherent enough to send off an e-mail while it was airing, and it wouldn't have been a very eloquently worded one at all. The damn lady looked like one of the evil little middle school preps who wants to bash something, and as soon as someone else starts is oh so eager and enthusiastic to agree with anything they say, the more malicious the better.

The bitch had the nerve to equate this to child abuse. I mean, seriously? Child abuse is a horrible scarring experience that no kid should have to go through; these parents are trying to do their best to help their children be happy, likely at quite a bit of cost in the way of both money and possibly social stigma. How is that abuse?

The whole thing was on a doctor that's prescribing different drugs to help delay the onset of puberty for these kids. From what I've been able to find the drugs don't even have any permanent affect after a period of being off of them... so what the hell is so bad about them? I could understand being iffy about actual surgery on younger children, because oftentimes children don't know exactly what they want, but just the drugs? Personally I think both the doctor and their parents should be applauded for being willing to risk their social (and in the case of the doctor professional) lives for their children, not demonized for it.

Arg

2008-05-19T02:18:05Z

Well, at least now I know the reason why ChBE is considered to be one of the toughest majors here.

I spent all day today doing my homework for the introductory class. Honestly, all day. It's actually really simple once my mind got around it... But before then rather confusing. We had a two hour homework-jam session that I went to, and I got a bunch done then. So all told my "all day" equaled down to around 6 hours not counting breaks.

This would be more impressive if the homework wasn't just 5 questions long. 5 questions with multiple parts, true, but still. I ended up with four pages worth of charts and calculations.

The sad thing (or maybe happy thing) is... I really enjoyed it! Other than a one hour stretch where I was completely convinced that I wasn't going to be able to get this finished by tomorrow at least. Honestly, this is the sort of stuff that I'm perfectly happy to sit down and pour hours and hours into.

The only thing that scares me now is the thought of the exams. God I hope they aren't as hard as the homework.

And I know my writing fails today. Blame 6 hours worth of flow charts and calculations.

My family is so strange...

2008-05-09T00:38:43Z

I've come to the conclusion that if there was a technological apocalypse my family would probably be able to do pretty darn well.

Why?

My mother is learning to make cheese. She's getting a miniature milk cow and a some of the right type of goats, so within the next few months we'll not only have a huge garden and tons of chickens, but we'll have fresh milk and goat cheese as well. We even have a well (not an old fashioned kind, but I'm sure we'd be able to figure out how to work it if we had to)

Hell, considering that I have everything I need to make hunting quality arrows, the rest of them would even be able to still have venison once we ran out of bullets.

Every time I come home I'm always utterly amused by the random things my family has been doing. The week has been dominated with talk of goat cheese and extravagant plans for the fairy costumes my sister and I are making (We got shiny fabric! XDDDD)

Things you really don't want to know...

2008-04-25T16:45:12Z

I hate it when I'm really good friends with someone and find out something I really didn't want to. Not close, but definitely friends (if that makes sense).

My neighbor dragged me out to lunch today, which she does a lot since she's convinced that I spend too much time in my room (I do). As a general rule we avoid really controversial topics, because neither of us like to argue. We also avoid everything that smacks of religion, since she's hardcore Baptist and I'm Pagan... She doesn't know I'm Pagan, just that I'm not Christian, so we just don't get into it.

Today another friend of mine met up with us. This is one of those guys that has a lot of the same views as me, and his philosophy in life is to be very blunt and upfront about things... So I made the mistake of asking about her debate class, and she mentioned how she would manage to offend someone every time, because she's anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage. I don't really care too much but... Well it just makes things awkward. It really does. And then the guy almost made it worse by start to point out that I'm gay (I'm never sure how that applies though. I mean, homosexual applies to both, lesbian applies to girls... But is gay only guys or is it us girls too? I've heard it both ways and it confuses me utterly).

I'm mostly out of the closet here, but not completely, and if I think it'll make someone uncomfortable I just avoid mentioning it. I understand that there are some people who just don't like it, so I figure that if that's our only point of contention that I don't have a reason to bring it up. I'm not planning to date while I'm in college anyway so... I don't know.

I guess I just don't like having to deal with it in a negative way. I hate the idea that I might ruin an otherwise really good friendship simply by telling someone that I'm into girls. It's not the dramatic rejection that I'm worried about, because frankly I wouldn't want to be friends with that sort of person. It's the sudden awkwardness that would lead to both of us avoiding each other over something that doesn't even matter (just because I like girls doesn't mean I'm attracted to her).

I love my Hapkido class and DramaTech, because I've come out pretty frankly in both of those places and nobody really cares, which is wonderful. In my dorm though, where everyone would immediately think of the fact that we have showers with curtains that won't close and everyone walks around in towels not really caring, I never bring it up.

The situation was the same with my roommate last semester (I don't have one now ^^) with not telling her. She made it pretty clear in a random conversation that she thought it was creepy, so I just never brought it up and we got along great. But she wasn't a friend so if she had found out, it probably would've been just the same.

That I have to worry about switching from the shy neighbor who must be dragged out from food to the creepy lesbian neighbor just over that one little thing that, honestly, doesn't really after who I am at all... Well it just sucks.

I confuse myself

2008-04-24T20:56:02Z

We just got back our tests for my Computer Science class (MATLAB. Yeah. I'm an engineer XD) and, like normal, I did well above average... but still technically got a C. With the curve it'll be a B (which is like amazing) but... I'm just looking at it.

Half of it is multiple choice. Half of it is coding. Now, considering that I got a 79 you'd expect that I'd do alright on the whole thing. But no, I coded perfectly. Perfectly. All points for that whole section, only two points off for the design process. So why in the world can't I manage to get the stupid multiple choice right? Why? Arg!

I think I inherited my mother's luck with guessing, not my fathers. Seriously.

On a totally off moment, the entire CS recitation just got rickrolled. Why, I don't know, but we did.

I love my Computer Science class

2008-04-22T15:18:28Z

You know a class is awesome when you come out of it with your chest and face hurting because you spent the whole time laughing. Especially when that's coupled with actually having learned a lot.

I swear, it's the teachers that make all the difference. I don't care if it's the most boring or interesting subject in the world, it's all on them.

For every good there has to be a bad, doesn't there?

2008-04-19T20:06:52Z

My sister's a mod on a rather huge petsite, and recently attacked me on MSN insisting that I join and holding out virtual cookies to tempt me. I was bored, so I figured 'what the hell' and went ahead and did so. I'm generally very cautious with those. I've been on one before (A My-Little-Pony themed one. Yes, I'm a total dork, but hey, who isn't?), and it was awesome... but took in way too much of my time. It got down to having to choose between drawing/writing and playing on the site, so I chose drawing/writing and sold off all of my stuff (To give you an idea of how much I had been doing on there, I came out with around $300 from it, having put maybe $60 actually into the site. I still have $250 of that separate from the rest of my money as 'fun' funds.)

One of my sisters things is that she's (or maybe was, I don't really know) a moderator of the RPG forums there. Me being me, I think "Might as well look." and went. Most of it was predictably not something I would join in on, being that I tend to write fecking books of posts and insist upon actually, yanno, grammar. Or at least sentence structure and proper capitalization/punctuation.

Despite the inevitable conclusion that rping there was a big fat no, my sister insisted that there are some good 'Advanced' RPGS, I just need to wait for them. I figured that I won't be doing that until after finals and told her that, but she told me to read over stuffs anyway. So I did. Starting with the rules that my sister posted at the top of the page.

It was fairly standard stuff, got a laugh from me that they don't even allow "Bloody" to be used as a curse word (another reason I couldn't RP there, I use that word fairly often in lieu of curse words, and hell if I'd fail and keeping with that rule, and I know it), but standard stuff. At least, it was until I got to the last rule.

For a moment I sat there, blinking at it, rereading: "Gayness: This is technically regarded as a controversial topic. So... while a snappy dresser can love theater, (lazy stereotype I know) please keep the narrative and dialogue closeted."

Does this bother anyone else? Seriously. Just... No! Bad Lizzy! This is a site where straight fluffy-romance is perfectly allowed and encouraged, but you can't even have a gay character?

The fuck.

Well, so much for waiting for those supposedly quality threads to pop up. I doubt I would've played a gay or lesbian character on this site, just because I have more fun and accepting places to do so, but out of principal I won't be posting there. It's a rule I have for myself: If I can't have an open character, I won't have a character at all (even a straight on).

If my sister asks that's exactly what I'll be telling her. Maybe it'll make her think twice about that stupid rule. Having something like that just tells all the kids there that because some people disagree, it has to be kept secret, and I really disagree with that sort of message.

Just a little bit of sunlight.

2008-04-14T17:04:19Z

Figure I might as well post here, seeing as I made the stupid thing XD

My school is really giving me hope for things progressing. It's a predominantly male engineering school, in the heart of Georgia... Not knowing the immediate area, I wouldn't really have expected acceptance to be an ingrained part of it. I honestly expected to stay in the closet for the entire five or six years that I'm going to be here (yes that's just for undergrad. I'm doing a Co-op program with a pharmaceutical company every other semester, and Tech is hard as hell to graduate from as it is), and yet the only reason why I'm not still there is the sheer acceptance here.

Take today. We have this online housing survey that we have to do, and the very first question asked about gender. Usually there's the normal male and female choices, but this time when I looked there were three choices: male, female, and transgendered.

Ideally I'd love it if the third group could just put down their gender identity and have that accepted, but I was rather ridiculously happy over the fact that they're at least acknowledged here. It's the little things like that, how they just accept that it's a fact of life for some people and therefore include it as part of their considerations, that makes me have hope for the world. Chain reactions happen from little words being included in little unimportant places, and since the people here (and in other universities, which I assume have the same things going on) are constantly exposed to ideas like this, then maybe as generations go on all of the stupid prejudice against it will start to petter off.

Or maybe it's that we're all so stressed from courses that no one really has the energy to even try to argue about things like that, but either way, it works for me!

So I was 'persuaded' to get one of these...

2008-03-24T03:15:39Z

Was informed that I needed to make one of these so that I could friend someone (and hey, now I can actually post to some of the Comms that I've been haunting!). Unfortunately I think I lost her screen name (Sorry Casi!) So I have to wait for her to get on in order to do that.

I'm rather random. I don't especially love pink, contrary to the layout (though I do like it in tasteful shades ~.^) But frankly it's an underused color, and all too dominated by the bad writings of tiny-boppers.

Pink would get a lot more respect if it weren't for the people who primarily like it. And it can be darn sexy when paired with black. Or lace.

Aaaanyway. Yeah. Starting this. I don't tend to post often, but I figure that when I do I can just cross-post between here and the other blog.